Twas the week before engagement...

...and all through the house, KM mouse was stirring... probably brownies or bread or salmon marinated in soy sauce and dill.

My ring came from a man in a brown uniform this morning before 10:30 AM, overnighted from Atlanta. Mr. KM and my dad went diamond shopping together last week while we were home. He also got my dad's blessing. I say blessing because if Mr. KM had asked permission and my dad had said no, I would have done it anyway. There was no permission about it- I'm a bit obnoxious when it comes to things like "permission" and "authority" and "other people telling me what to do".

Anyway, so Mr. KM has the ring at his house. Right this minute he's having lunch with his mentor and one of his favorite people to ask her to be our officiant for our wedding (that is happening in 6 months and 4 days). We're not officially engaged. Well, we are to us, we know that we're going to get married, there's no question and I am SO excited about that. We are completely and totally 100% committed to each other, and I don't need a ring to prove that to myself. I cannot WAIT to be able to wake up with (really, before since I'm a morning person and he is so not) every day. I can't wait to see what his schooling brings, trying to get my career going, pets, life, going together. But I'm really, really afraid of the ring. I already know what it looks like, it's too simple to mess up since I sent him the exact one I wanted, so I'm not scared about that.

I'm afraid that it will change things, change us. Our relationship is just wonderful. Seriously, it's awesome. I'm not going to lie to you and say it's perfect, because it's not. We have our ups and downs, ins and outs, but for the most part, we have a fantastic rhythm that works for us. I couldn't ask for anything happier, more stable, more safe. And, in theory, "the ring" will just solidify that more, but I'm not foolish enough to think that it won't change it in some way that I don't even know about yet. I hear about this "deeper connection" that being "ring engaged" brings and I honestly can't even comprehend that. And it scares me, because while I know it's going to be amazing, the unknown is the unknown, and that freaks me out. I don't like surprises, and I'm afraid that as soon as I have that ring on my finger, people are going to start treating us differently, we're going to start treating each other different, for no reason other than I have an external symbol of what we feel internally already.

I also feel like this isn't real, that it's totally a dream. That the life I'm living is not mine and that I'm in some weird play. It's a little surreal and a little scary, to realize that you're making decisions that are going to COMPLETELY change the course of your life from what it could have been. I have no doubt that I'm making the 100% absolute best decision I could ever make, but isn't it a little strange? I get to spend the rest of my life with this man, and it's going to be awesome! But the World of Weddings is different than the real world: there's a whole new set of rules and money and family politics in play.

Mr. KM has the ring. We could get engaged tonight, tomorrow, or next week. It's coming, and I'm excited! More than anything. But I'm also curious about the process, how I'll feel, how I'll navigate this wacky World of Weddings more than I already have and most importantly, how we're going to grow both as a couple and with our families. Here goes!